I’m so frustrated. I’m frustrated at my limitations. That I have to rely on mechanical devices that can fail me for my independence. 

A lifts that stop working. 

In moments like these it’s easy to get caught up in everything I haven’t figured out how to do yet or choose not to do. As much as I would like to act like I am able to do everything I still have limitations. This is often hard for me to admit. I’ll often avoid certain activities so I don’t have to deal with my limitations. 

It’s a weird place to be, having to rely on equipment for mobility. Some days your limitations add up. Things you never thought twice about take methodical planning. It’s hard to comprehend life this way. Maybe not comprehend but understand. Rarely do I think this deeply on my disability.

Typically if something is out of my reach, I quickly find a solution without thinking about it. When I keep dropping stuff from my lap, I get frustrated. Not at my wheelchair but that the item just won’t stay. I don’t think about how much easier it would be if I could use my hands to carry something rather than using them as legs to move me forward. 

It’s mind blowing to me how cathing is so routine. I hardly think about how I pee just as before my injury even though there are so many steps. Small things like pulling my pants up are now mindless tasks that get me through the day.

Everything that generated fear while laying in that hospital bed is now daily routine. Something I hardly think twice about. It’s amazing how quickly we adjust to new circumstances when we focus on gratitude rather than loss. Often times our obstacles are so overwhelming, we struggle to see how we can work through them, until we do. How often do we take a step back to reflect on the big picture? Reflect on how much growth we have achieved? How much we have developed personally? Daily reflection is an important exercise that should be a part of your daily routine.


  1. I’ve been paraplegic for 55 years. you have a long life ahead of you … rejoice. greetings, lubo

  2. Hi Jesi, I watched your recent post and I share a very small example of what you have to endure each day. I had two herniated disks back in 1978. I couldn’t walk without crutches for three months until I gave into surgery. I reimbursed my back again in 1985 and the state put me out on permanent disability. Eventually I was able to walk again after a month in bed. In 2010, I fell off a pool deck and I thought I broke my neck. Slowly, I started moving my feet, then my legs, I rolled to each side, finally I sat up. Once again I moved my legs. I finally rose to my feet. I thanked God for still be able to walk. I am presently at home with severe pain to my left buttox. Trays showed inflammation to my lower spine. I’m scheduled for an injection in hopes that it will reduce the inflammation without surgery. My heart goes out to you young lady, and please don’t ever give up. You’re alive, that’s the main thing. You’re still young, and everyday they work on stem cell research. Hopefully one day very soon we will have the technology to make you well again. In the meantime stay strong. I know there are many people praying for you. May God give you good health and strength to endure. Amen🕇🕇🕇💖 By the way, I had a Husky just like your dog. They’re wonderful dogs. Stay well my dear. Keep your chin up and a smile on your beautiful face.

  3. Hi Jesi,
    I am from Vietnam. I follow you for years and I respect your faith and energy.
    Your journal Excerpts have been interesting to read.
    I shared some on my fb account.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
    Best regards,
    Nguyen Dang Hoa

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